This Wednesday, we’re going down the easy road. That’s right - this week’s quotes are just funny. Hope you appreciate. And feel free to send us some suggestions on possible themes for quotes. We’d love to hear from you!

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.  ~Fred Allen

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.  ~H.L. Mencken

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.  ~Author Unknown

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.  ~Author Unknown

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.  It is already tomorrow in Australia.  ~Charles Schulz

All generalizations are bad.  ~R.H. Grenier

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.  Now I see that I should have been more specific.  ~Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin

I have six locks on my door all in a row.  When I go out, I lock every other one.  I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.  ~Elayne Boosler

Man was predestined to have free will.  ~Hal Lee Luyah

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.  ~Aldous Huxle

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.  ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Today is the last day of some of your life.  ~Author Unknown

It’s always darkest before the dawn.  So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.  ~Author Unknown

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?  ~Steven Wright

He’s turned his life around.  He used to be depressed and miserable.  Now he’s miserable and depressed.  ~Harry Kalas, on Garry Maddox, 1981

I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.  ~Author Unknown

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed.  Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.  ~Jerry SeinfeldThe universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.  ~Woody Allen

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.  ~Douglas Adams

A great name for a new country song:  If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.  ~Author Unknown

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.  ~Rita Mae Brown

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile way and you have their shoes.  ~Author Unknown

How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on?  ~Tom Waits, “Mr Siegal,” Heartattack and Vine

Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.  ~Carl Zwanzig

Can we actually “know” the universe?  My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.  ~Woody Allen, Getting Even, 1971

All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.  ~Fred Allen

Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.  ~Colin Sautar

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.  ~Mae West

If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names.  ~Elbert Hubbard

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?  ~Author Unknown