A friend of mine relayed a story I wanted to share with you:

Last week, a good friend of mine really laid into me. She had been harboring resentment toward me for a long time. I had no clue! Suddenly, she started detailing all of my flaws and faults, like a long grocery list.

At first, I wasn’t hurt. I thought obviously she is working through her own stuff. This isn’t just about me. But after we parted that day, the pain set in. Almost as if I was in a car accident - I didn’t feel the pain at first but the next day, I couldn’t move my head.

Her words were toxic and painful. And they had sunk in deeper than I thought. I had to think of some way to cope.

First, I took a step back. I looked at it, from a distance. Why did her words hurts so badly? What did it remind me of? What chord did it strike? I wrote about it in my journal and found myself remembering all sorts of things I had forgotten about.

Then, I did some repair work. I let myself feel crappy for a few days. I talked to a trusted friend of mine and vented. In short, I took care of myself.

Of course, I had evaluate my friendship with this person: was she “toxic” as they say? Or did we stand a chance of remaining friends?

When I felt a little more in control, we talked. I’d like to say she was apologetic, but she wasn’t. This time, though, I felt better prepared.

Those words of hers still hurt. But on some strange level, they feel like some guide - a guide leading to me some pain that has been hindering me anyway.