I just read this great article/review from Josey Vogels that I wanted to share with you. It’s about properly grieving the end of a relationship in order to move forward, baggage-free:

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

“Time heals all wounds.”

“Get over it.”

You’ve heard ‘em all right? Russell Friedman and John W. James say jaunty phrases like these are the worst words of advice for handling a breakup. “The attempt to soothe is always well intentioned but rarely helpful,” say the authors of Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life.

Despite its oh-god-not-another-one-of-those-books title, this is one of the best relationship books to have crossed my desk in a while (and trust me, a lot of them cross my desk).

Rather than spend a lot of time splicing, dicing and trying to spice up the failing relationships we’re currently in, Friedman and James, founders of the Grief Recovery Institute have applied techniques they’ve used to help clients deal with death to help people deal with the one thing they rarely do when they enter into a new relationship: That is, properly say good-bye to all the other crappy relationships that have gone before.

“A breakup is the death of a relationship,” says Friedman. “And just as when someone dies, you’re suddenly robbed of all the hopes, dreams and expectations you had for the future with that person.” Then we drag all that disappointment, anger and resentment (because of course, the relationship death was all the other’s person’s, right?) into our next relationship. After a few rounds of this, it’s no wonder so many of us can’t make the damn things work. In fact, says Friedman, the 50% divorce rate is nothing compared to the 70 per cent of relationships that fail outside of marriage.

Friedman and James partly blame our society’s discomfort with feelings of sadness.“By the time a child is 15 years old he or she will have received more than 23 thousand messages that sad or painful feelings should not be communicated to others,” they write.

Pet fish dies? Don’t worry honey, there are plenty more fish in the, er, pet fish store. Hurt son? Suck it up and get over it. All that stuff we learn about feeling bad or sad gets packed into the suitcase and hauled into adulthood and into our relationships.

Relationship ends? Don’t worry; you can get a new one. Heart hurtin’ like someone’s shoved it full of broken glass? Suck it up and get over it.

But the new fish/relationship isn’t a replacement for the old one, say the authors. Relationships aren’t replaceable or interchangeable. Each is unique and need to be experienced, completed and mourned differently.

And that old, “time heals all” bit? Friedman and James liken this advice to expecting time to fill a flat tire with air. To take the analogy further, imagine you continue driving on that flat tire while you’re waiting for time to fill it up again. It would make driving in a straight line really hard and eventually, you’d destroy the rim and the wheel.

So just like you need to take action to fill up your tire before you can more forward (like call a tow truck or use a jack and fix it yourself), we need to take action in order to refill our emotional flat tires and move forward into healthier, happier relationships.

The action the authors suggest is something they call the “past relationship review,” an exercise that forces you to formally review past relationships and be honest with yourself about the good, the bad and the ugly of each one. But the process isn’t just an intellectual one. “We know people who can recite a doctoral thesis on what happened and who did what to whom but still aren’t emotionally complete,” says Friedman.

Their suggested process, if done honestly and openly, allows you to “complete” past relationships by forgiving your exes for their shit and apologizing for your own so you don’t end up dragging all that “unfinished emotional business” into subsequent relationships.

But he was a bastard and I’ll never be able to forgive him, you say. Forgiving doesn’t condone the person’s behaviour, says Friedman. Not forgiving, however, makes it impossible to move on. “Not forgiving keeps you in prison and not them,” he says.

In fact, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. “It’s only for you, to set you free,” says Friedman.

Which is why the authors are so adamant about the fact that none of this process be shared with your exes. They mean it. This is strictly a personal exercise. Suddenly calling him up to tell him you forgive him for being such a jerk isn’t going to inflate anyone’s tires.

Friedman likens the process to scraping old paint off a house to prepare it for a fresh coat.

And, once you’re ready for it, they’ve got some great advice for making that fresh coat last.

For more info or to order the book, go to relationshipbaggage.com.

Here’s a piece one of our writers, Beth Mann, submitted to Open Salon about the miracle elephant, Mr. Shuffles:

Mr. Shuffles is a miracle elephant.

After almost 2 years in his mother’s womb, the vets could find no vital signs and he was presumed to be stillborn.

At a press conference, the staff at Taronga Zoo in Australia announced the sad news.

Katharina Theodore was one of the first keepers in the elephant barn the morning after Porntip, the mother elephant, gave birth.

“We went to greet all the elephants, walked up to Porntip and she didn’t react at all.” Theodore said.

“She seemed to be in a stupor and so I started to cry literally. I noticed blood on her legs and the bulge that was holding the calf was missing. So Gary and I walked into the paddock and we found a calf.

“I was kind of happy that at least she’d expelled the calf and I was thinking that’s great, we can move on and look after her.

“And then, mind-blowingly enough, the calf raised its head.”

20 vets and keepers quickly went to work, round the clock, administering to the calf who they feared suffered brain damage.

When Mr. Shuffles was well enough to take his first steps, they were heavy and unsure, like that of an old man, hence the nickname “Mr. Shuffles.”

He was officially renamed Pathi Harn in a ceremony held by Buddhist monks to celebrate his Thai culture. This caused a minor uproar online (by people like me) who really, really like his nickname.

Parthi Harn is the Thai word for miracle.

Pathi Harn is getting stronger day by day, feeding heartily from his mother and playing with his cousin, Luk Chai .

And while his beautiful Thai name reflects his regal status which he rightfully deserves, he will always be known as Mr. Shuffles to many.

He’s a little wide-eyed and goofy - a creature who has gone through something. A creature who is happy to be alive.

Follow Mr. Shuffles on Twitter.

Sources:
Brisbane Times
ABC News Australia

That’s right - after years of debating and in-house feuding, the United States of America has passed a healthcare reform:

The US House of Representatives has narrowly voted to pass a landmark healthcare reform bill at the heart of President Barack Obama’s agenda.

Under the legislation, health insurance will be extended to nearly all Americans, imposes new taxes on the wealthy and bars restrictive insurance practices such as refusing to cover people with pre-existing medical conditions.

They represent the biggest change in the US healthcare system since the creation in the 1960s of Medicare, the government-run scheme for Americans aged 65 or over.

President Barack Obama:

“It’s a victory for the American people.”

Damn straight.

President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, and senior staff, react in the Roosevelt Room of the White House, as the House passes the health care reform bill, March 21, 2010. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

Source: BBC News

With Spring right around the corner (insert huge sigh of relief), it’s time to “green” your life. This could mean many things: a good spring cleaning, planting your garden, some new clothes, an exercise plan - anything that brings you back to life after a long winter!

Here’s a few Spring suggestions you may want to take into consideration:

Check out these tips from a Gimundo article:

1. This year I’m eliminating any chemicals from my garden and planting all organic plants. It’s a little more expensive and a little harder to find, but it’s a lot healthier for your kids if they play in your yard to get rid of those awful fertilizers full of chemicals.

2. My spring cleaning will be done with lots of vinegar, baking soda and plant derived cleaners. Get rid of those old cleaners that are made with petrochemicals, unnatural fragrances and use products that bring a healthier environment to your home. Did you know that your indoor air could be causing health issues to you and your family?

3. Open your windows and let the fresh air in. Wash your windows with a mixture of half vinegar and half water, usually this will improve your indoor air quality and leave your windows spotless.

4. Is it time to clean out a few clogged drains? Here are some helpful tips for a more natural way to clean drains. Throw away those chemicals; they go straight to our water supply.

5. Time to go green with your hot water heater; your water heater uses a lot of energy to keep water hot 24/7. Check out tankless water heaters or called hot water on demand systems.

Source: Gimundo

Here are a few others I came up with:

6. If you’re in need of new clothes for the Spring, check out your local second-hand store or Salvation Army first. Not only are you saving money, you’re “precycling.”

7. Fix up your bike. A bike that’s had a little tune-up is more likely to be used. Put it in an easy, accessible place. Remind yourself that it’s time to get on the bike and not hop in the car. Put a basket on your bike for even more flexibility.

8. Back to the washing machine: most clothing does not need tons of detergent or hot water. Move over to eco-friendly detergent, use less of it and use cold water.

Much has been said about Gabourey Sidibe’s weight. Being one of the heaviest women in Hollywood in a place to blatantly encourages thinness at all costs, it’s no surprise.

But Gabourey has maintained her positivity in the face of naysayers. And she has consistently kept her focus on her talent and positivity, not her weight.

While she lost the Best Actress award to Sandra Bullock, today we celebrate somebody in the media spotlight who is non-traditionally radiant and throws a wrench in what we consider “beautiful.”

That’s positive news!

“I used to get hurt so badly. Any bit of criticism, I would cry. But at some point I just realized, I count more than anyone else, or anybody’s opinion, because I’m living my life — I’m captain of this ship, without a first mate. And I really, really like who I am. I really, really dig me.”

- Gabourey Sidibe

Global warming and greenhouse gas issues seem to be terms we hear on a daily basis anymore. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It seems as if the biggest players don’t do anything, then how can we can up with a universal answer? On top of that, we have a crew of naysayers who don’t believe the problem exists in the first place.

You may not be the size of China but there are things you can do today to reduce your carbon imprint, such as ditching water bottles and unplugging appliances and riding a bike instead of driving. Remember, we’re all in this one together - every step counts!

China has finally taken a step forward and considering they are some of the biggest producers of greenhouse gas, let’s hope they stick to their word. According to Reuters:

BEIJING (Reuters) - China said on Sunday it will spell out greenhouse gas emissions goals and monitoring rules for regions and sectors in its next five-year plan, with monitoring to show it is serious about curbing emissions.

The Chinese government said in November it would reduce the amount of carbon dioxide, the main greenhouse gas from human activity, emitted to make each unit of national income by 40 to 45 percent by 2020, compared with 2005 levels.

That goal would let China’s greenhouse gas emissions keep rising, but more slowly than its rapid economic growth.

The policy was a cornerstone of Beijing’s position at the Copenhagen summit on climate change late last year when governments tried with limited success to agree on a new global treaty on fighting global warming.

The United States and other powers said China, the world’s biggest emitter of greenhouse gases from industry and other human activities, should have offered to do more to bring its domestic ‘carbon intensity’ goal into an international pact that would reassure other governments.

China said it and other poorer countries should not be obliged to take on internationally-binding emissions goals, and officials said Beijing would take steps to show the world it was serious about enforcing that goal.

Now the leading committee of China’s national parliament has gone some way to showing how the government plans, saying officials will carry out an ‘inventory’ of greenhouse gas emissions in 2005 and 2008, using that as a yardstick for setting emissions reductions goals across areas and sectors.

The Standing Committee of the National People’s Congress, or parliament, said the government would put in place a ’statistical monitoring and assessment system to ensure greenhouse gas emissions goals are met,’ Xinhua reported.

Those goals will be made part of the country’s next five-year development plan, starting from 2011.

‘Relevant departments and regions will form action plans and medium- and long-term plans to cope with climate change and mitigate greenhouse gas emissions, based on the targets and requirements set out by the State Council’, or cabinet, the report said.

Scientists widely believe China has passed the United States as the world’s top greenhouse gas emitter, but Beijing does not release any recent official emissions data.

China’s most recent official inventory of emissions was submitted to a U.N. agency in 2004 and covered the year 1994.

(Reporting by Chris Buckley; Editing by David Fox)

We all now the dangers of clinging on too tightly or feeling the need to control others. It feels like an addiction, where we turn our focus away from ourselves and onto something or someone else, for which we have no control. If you’ve been there (and haven’t we all?) here are some quotes to lead you back to yourself:

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don’t try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.
– Julia Butterfly Hill



Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
– Oprah Winfrey


By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.
– Lao Tzu


Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
– Raymond Lindquist


Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties.
– Gail Sheehy


Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
– Author Unknown


Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.
– Ann Landers


Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.
– Gerald Jampolsky


Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
– Leo Buscaglia

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
– Anon

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
– Kate Winslet


People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
– Thich Nhat Hanh


Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.
– Sylvia Robinson

There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
– Gloria Naylor


Stand up and walk out of your history.
– Phil McGraw

The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there’s gold in letting go of them. — John Seely Brown

True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.
– Author Unknown

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.


– Karen Casey

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.
– Author Unknown

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
– Joseph Campbell

Source: Great Inspirational Quotes

We have been called to help the people of Haiti in whatever way possible, realizing it’s a poor country and their disaster has been so profound. This couple has used their medical expertise and household items to help their neighbors - a real reminder that you do what it takes to help:

They have few medical supplies, no nurses, and are using an armchair as an operating table—but Haitian doctors Claude and Yolene Surena make do with what they have to save as many lives as possible in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

Ever since the earthquake hit last Tuesday, neighbors have been banging on the doctor couple’s door, pleading for help with urgent medical needs. Fortunately, their house didn’t sustain damage, but many of their neighbors’ homes had collapsed. Some were hurt by falling debris, and had suffered injuries like puncture wounds, gaping cuts, and broken bones.

Yolene Surena said that she treated her first patient about five minutes after the earthquake struck, and by Saturday, she and her husband had helped more than 300 injured earthquake victims, substituting household items like Krazy Clue to help close wounds when they didn’t have the appropriate equipment. They’ve worked tirelessly, night and day, with assistance only from friends with no medical training. Despite the makeshift nature of their operation, they have lost only six patients.

Though it’s tough for the couple to keep up their relentless pace, they are determined to help as many people as they can.

“Each time you get something to do further, you hope that you can save one more life.”

Source: Gimundo

Today, ask yourself, very seriously, “What More Can I Do?”

It often seems like you’re doing something wrong if you’re feeling poorly or thinking negatively. But if we don’t allow for that dark space, it can often cause us problems.

Nobody wants to feel badly (well, that’s up for debate, I suppose!) but there are times in life when its called for. If you are sick or someone you love is, the loss of a job, the stress and worry of rocky finances, loneliness, etc. - they create a heaviness that’s expected.

This is a controversial thought, but have you ever thought about celebrating your negativity? Wallowing in it for a while. Close the blinds, turn off the phone, hide under the blankets and allow yourself to feel the feelings you’ve been avoiding? Make yourself your favorite food, treat yourself to a gift, cry while watching your favorite tear-jerker movie, write an angry poem then burn it. Of course, you can’t live in this place forever…but an occasional visit may be needed.

“What you resist, persists.” - Carl Jung